I’m just glad that you’ve felt comfortable enough to come to us. It takes a lot of bravery to speak honestly about what you’ve been through. Good luck.
I understand feeling awkward about leaving early. If it gets too much, I suggest just going outside or even to the bathroom so you can breathe and have a bit of space. I hope it goes okay for you. Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first, even if that means making a white lie. You’re not a bad person for needing care.
And thank you for trusting us with your story and situation. You are more than welcome to come to us whenever you need it.
cont. Oh yeah. I’ve been asked to be a groomsman, because I went to school with her fiance and we are good friends, while she is the maid of honor… So yeah, that’s fun. So I would feel pretty shit to miss the party.
Regarding her trying to set you up with her friends, let her know that while you appreciate her effort, you’re not comfortable with being “set up” and you would rather come across someone on your own, naturally. Hopefully she’ll get the hint and will relax a bit on that side of things.
As for the wedding, it’s really up to you to decide whether you can deal with your abuser being there, in close proximity. If you would rather not go because it will be too triggering for you, let your cousin know that something happened to you several years ago that will effect your mental wellbeing at the wedding, but it hurts you to talk about it. Ask her if you can celebrate with her another day because you do feel bad about missing the event.
If you do decide to go, I suggest avoiding her as much as you possibly can. Even if you leave a bit early and feign illness. Your mental health is really important. And it’s okay to make yourself a priority.
You’re not wrong for obsessing over things like that, especially considering you have repressed memories. It could be your own way of trying to figure out what happened to you and to try and understand your own situation.
Would it be possible to speak to a professional about the things you are starting to remember? It could help you come to terms with everything and may even help you remember more things (if you want to). You can’t force happiness and it’ll be difficult to move on until you’ve dealt with what’s causing the obsession.