Support blog for all victims/survivors of sexual assault, molestation, incest, domestic violence and abusive relationships.

Any asks or submissions sent to us regarding false accusations will not be posted or responded to. This is a safe haven for people who have been through trauma and we want to avoid causing undue stress - doubt is not welcome here.

Trigger warning can (and should) be assumed for all content, please don't hesitate to ask if there's something specific you'd like tagged.

 

I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent.

Susanna KaysenGirl, Interrupted (via bonus)

(Source: getbetterr)

Instead of asking, “Did she say no?”, we should start asking, “Did she want to have sex?”

rapeculturerealities:

Part of the problem with putting the onus on victims to make the rape “official” through refusing and fighting back is the next thing that happens is we get into a quibbling match over whether or not they fought back enough to “earn” the right to have their rape considered a rape. It encourages this mentality where badgering someone until they stop saying no or simply ignoring them so that you can honestly say later you had no idea that they were refusing is somehow in-bounds. It becomes the victim’s fault for not refusing in exactly the right way, even though most rapists aren’t actually going to take any no for an answer, no matter how you phrase it.

Anonymous asked
When I was 15, I had sex with my boyfriend who was 20 at the time. This is considered statutory rape, but I didn't and still don't feel like it was rape (i was later raped at 17). I think its important to remember that the age of consent differs along lines of culture. In my culture, that is completely acceptable, though it is illegal where I am living. However I do not want to discount the experiences of those who suffered statutory rape and it was non-consensual

selfcareafterrape:

Then you were one of the lucky ones.

There was still a far too high risk that it would be rape.

if a 20 year old cares more about potentially getting off with a 15 year old- than they do the fact that the 15 year old may realize as soon as the next day and possibly many years later that it was rape- than they are a rapist/potential rapist.

Just because it turns out okay for some does not make it okay.

at all.

ever.

There are people out there who try to argue that coercion isn’t rape because ‘well I didn’t want to one time, and then he convinced me and it was fine- those other people need to grow up and accept that they consented’

same thing with cocsa.

'I fooled around with another kid back then. it was fine. we need to stop being so overprotective and blahblhablhabh'

coercion is not consent.

having sex with minors when you are old enough to know better is never okay. ever.

and I really do not care if it is acceptable in a culture it used to be culturally acceptable to rape your wife or beat your children that doesn’t mean that shit wasn’t rape and abuse.

Having sex with minors is predatory behavior. Your “boyfriend” is a predator, regardless of whether or not you are okay with it.

dennys:

denny’s reminds you to behave accordingly at this weekend’s festivities. we also remind you that after you’re all con-ed out, we’d love to see your costumes and serve you late into the night. cosplayers are welcome at dencon 24/7.

dennys:

denny’s reminds you to behave accordingly at this weekend’s festivities. we also remind you that after you’re all con-ed out, we’d love to see your costumes and serve you late into the night. cosplayers are welcome at dencon 24/7.

brutereason:

These are from a wonderful book called The Art Of Comforting. Check it out and learn how to be better at supporting people going through difficult things.

Anonymous asked
What are the signs of emotional abuse?

the-goddamazon:

mental-health-advice:

Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.

Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

Love, Salem

The last one is a killer and very important.

elfyourmother:

i am seriously not exaggerating or joking when I say the #1 sign of an abusive person is how they respond to an attempt to assert boundaries

i’m not a psychologist but i got my degree from the school of hard knocks ok and that is really the common denominator

don’t trust anyone who tries to argue with your need for them

Anonymous asked
How should I go about telling my boyfriend that I need him to be there for me now because of my rape, and I don't want him trying to find the guy who did it and hurting him?

Let him know that what is important right now is your emotional and mental well being. You need his support and that means he needs to do as you ask. You can tell him that you experienced violence and you don’t want any further violence in your life. This man was a violent person, and you don’t want your boyfriend to be a violent person right now. You want him to be a supportive person.

If him hurting your rapist goes against your wishes, tell him so. Tell him what is important to you right now is that people listen to you and respect your wishes. Because you experienced somebody who didn’t do that, and you just want the people around you to listen and respect your choices.

selfcareafterrape has some excellent resources for friends/family/partnerrs of rape survivors on this list. Maybe your boyfriend can take a look at those.

- TT

Anonymous asked
Shalom aleichem! I'm Tamar, and I'm one of the mods of religioussurvivors, a forum by and for survivors of all sorts and of any and all faith backgrounds. We're just getting started now, but we hope to continue the good work of you and SCaR with a focus on the ways that our experiences of faith interact with our lives as victims/survivors. We will always be here to comfort, affirm, advise, pray, and support in any way that we can, and we hope that you go with peace and blessings on your way.

Hello Tamar!

Followers, the link to this blog is http://religioussurvivors.tumblr.com/

This definitely sounds like a wonderful resource. Thank you for sharing, Tamar.

- TT

Anonymous asked
For many years, I've not spoken about something. When I was 4, I was touched sexually, and was told to do inappropriate things like touch another persons genitals either with hands or mouth. At that age, I was put into a child caring agency, and was in a play group with a boy, 2-3 years older than I was. He told me that if I wouldn't do the things he said, he would tell my parents. To my believe until recently, I never considered this rape, infact, I blamed myself for being so stupid.

You weren’t stupid, you were coerced, threatened, and manipulated. On top of all of that, you were four. I’m so sorry that happened to you. We’re always here if you need to talk. And know that it was not your fault and you were not stupid.

- TT